So, you say you want to catch, but your manager has you fifth on his depth chart (right after his wife and his uncle)? Or perhaps you're dying to know what a baseball game looks like from a squatting position deep in the dust behind home plate, with the warm, onion-y breath of an umpire caressing your neck? Have you been told numerous times that you bear a striking resemblance to the debonair Yogi Berra? Or maybe you used to be a catcher back in the pre-kneesaver, stirrup-sock days, and you're wondering if you can still do it?
You know who you are: you bought a catcher's mitt back in '04, and it still has the price tag on it ($39.95 from Klein's All-Sports). You're the kind of guy who doesn't feel like he's gotten his moneys-worth from a game unless he's taken a foul tip or two in the mask and a bouncer on the cup. Or maybe you'd like to try catching for the first time, but don't want to be laughed at by your unduly skeptical teammates.
Don't despair. The 45+ Cougars and 55+ Gray Cougars are both looking for someone to don the "tools of ignorance" and play a central role in our rebuilding efforts. We will greet you with open arms and make you feel valued and important and borderline indispensible. We might even like you "as a person." And you will get a chance to do all the catching you could possibly want--and more! Indeed, past Cougars catchers have gleefully pushed themselves past the point of effectiveness--and perilously close to death--simply because they LOVE to catch. Now YOU can do that, too!
I know the season has already started, and you've committed to another team. But who knows? Maybe your manager would be happy to let you jump ship. Give him an ultimatum--or as Kingfish (of the old "Amos and Andy" show) would say, an "ultimato": PLAY ME OR TRADE ME.
I honestly have my doubts about the effectiveness of this sort of posting--especially with the rosters already formed--but a kind-hearted and sympathetic fellow-manager (of the Greek persuasion) has suggested that I give this a try. (Apparently it's bad form to borrow catchers from other teams--who knew?) Well, I always aim to please and I can now say that I've left no stone unturned.
So, who's looking to do some catching? Don't all yell at once.
Phone 758-2216 and ask for Frank.
Frank
-- Edited by Frank Montagano on Tuesday 3rd of May 2011 06:47:31 PM
-- Edited by Frank Montagano on Tuesday 3rd of May 2011 06:55:36 PM
I've never caught a pitch in my life.... but after two rainouts and a scheduling snafu have cancelled three games on me this week i am close to volunteering!
