I have drafted three attempts to thank you all for your concern about my health this year. I have gotten overwhelmed each time, feeling scared and inept. I have stayed quiet. It has been too threatening to be explicit about being that close to death. It took a heart attack, but you now know I can be quieted. Jim Jordan’s passing has almost been too much to bear; too scary, too real, too sad. It has brought me close to death again and leads to these thoughts.
Most of you know I had an acute heart attack on the mound this year. A major artery was totally blocked. Code Blue. One struggling, injured, irregular heart beat away from arrest. I worked hard to get back on the field to enjoy this wonderful game and the good people in our league. I still struggle to express my gratitude without crying. For the more fiendish among you, just ask me about my situation, and watch me whimper. It might be your idea of fun.
Jim Jordan was one of the first people to contact me when I was in jeopardy. He was very concerned for me, so sensitive and patient that I was able to get through my feelings and gather myself with his support. He shared his good humor, some at my expense, as affectionate kidding tends to be. I remember he challenged me to “adjust my slip”, “do what the doctors tell you”, and “start healing”. He was very confident I would play ball again and get my life back. Jim checked in on me throughout the year, encouraging me and getting updates. I feel cheated that I was not allowed a chance to return his support. I also feel cheated I will not see him on the field.
I want to thank all who have wished me well and given support. Some of you distinguished yourselves. Tom Maney and Jon Martin probably saved my life. They took me to the hospital from the field and assisted with medical intervention. Tom has quipped that he is getting hate mail for taking me to the hospital and not dropping me off along the way. I would have offered little resistance. Jon was great with my wife, notifying my family and keeping them composed from an inconsistent cell phone in a busy ER. He has been my biggest supporter, making sure my teammates and others in the league have been aware that I am in a battle with my health and by pulling for me privately. By the way, Jon’s brother Ted nursed me through a crushed shoulder a few years ago, leaving a tournament game in Florida in which we lost an eight-run lead after we left, following the ambulance to an ER, driving to get my pain medications, and helping me to get home to New York. He even took off my sweaty socks in the ER when we couldn’t find a nurse. He made me promise never to tell anybody about that last part. I guess I shouldn’t be trusted.
After my heart attack this year, I was touched to receive hospital visits from two versions of Jim McQuade. Jim’s father stopped in to see me too. Don Wixon has been very good to me. He visited me at least once each day in the hospital, providing updates from around the league, bringing me the paper and lifting my spirits. He even offered to take me out to some games to watch.
There are many, many others who I need to thank. Teammates from three clubs I play with have been rooting for me and interested in my health. The response from the rest of the league has been impressive and extremely meaningful. I received phone calls, emails, cards, and conversations from players from almost every team we have. Some shared sensitive details of their own lives. Some of you checked in on me in dugouts. Some shared concern in parking lots. Some on the base paths. I have particularly affected by concern from the competition. Some of my most heated adversaries have been the most sensitive and supportive, offering advice and concern.
I am lucky to be alive, but I am struggling with how it is determined that one player stays and another goes. CDMSBL is a special organization. Jim Jordan was a special person, ballplayer, and friend. I hope he is in a game somewhere, maybe with Bill Jones and Dave Doak pitching against each other. Maybe the three of them are sharing a good laugh because I am not there yet and they can play in peace.
I cannot overstate my gratitude. Your concern has been better medicine than the pills I take.
Wow - If that doesn't reach your soul, you don't have one. You've been a hellava inspiration Jim - on and off the field. You'll always have the gratitude of Ted and myself for introducing us "massachusette boys " to this great league, and the opportunity to continue playing this great game. See ya on the ball field.
Jim - You couldn't have said those things better. Even though we are heated competitors on the field and have one of the on going rivalries in the CDMSBL - Marlins/Cubs I just want you to know that the Marlins respect you, but also root for your continued health. It is great to see you back doing what you love to do.
